Tuesday, April 28, 2009

becoming grounded

 The people that we become are a product of our choices and also things that are far beyond anyones control, lately I have been thinking about this a lot. How we can so easily forget who we are and where we have come from... how to get where we are going. I won't get into details but, with huge changes I think it's very easy to fall off track. I certainly have done that, but I am feeling especially grounded lately. That I can say I am back in touch with myself, my standards, my expectations in life... I hate that I lost myself for awhile there... I really do. I guess the only good thing that comes from our mistakes are the lessons we learn from them. 

Monday, April 20, 2009

Long time... big changes

So.... it's been about 6 months since I have last blogged here and my life has changed dramatically! My husband and I have separated and are on the final ends of our divorce. I have the kids in GA with me and he is being stationed in VA. I will continue to stay here and manage, somehow. I have learned so much about myself over the last 6 months and I am very happy with the decisions that I have made that have gotten me here. 

I will not go into the details over our divorce, but it was never a cake walk, nor should any marriage be expected to be. It was always hard... always fake... always pain. Now I am able to shed tears with no pain and be the woman I need to be and deserve to be. 

Life is hard, being a single mom is hard, but it's my life and I love it.

One thing that I wanted to write about is about a conversation that I had with my neighbor today. She was talking to me about how much her husband hurts her emotionally by the struggles in his life, or the demons shall we say. That only when he absolutely has to will ever admit he has a problem. That these horrible things he does has been going on for over two years now! She keeps begging him to get help and yet he refuses to put his family first and his own selfishness continues to take priority.  

Because I understand her, because I have been there and felt the immense pain that she is feeling everyday I have some things I want to say...

Men... and or women... when you are in a relationship give yourself to the person you love. If you fuck up, fix it, don't do it again and be the best person that you can be... for yourself and for your other half. When you do the same thing over and over again it means you are not sorry, it means you don't care. It means you are selfish. It means you eventually lose your family over it and when you think you are ready to change it will be far too late. 

If you have something good, hold on to it, fight for it, do everything you can to make it grow and flourish. In retrospect, if you are being mistreated over and over again, if you give everything you have and get only pain in return, if you forgive over and over again... don't be afraid to want a happier life, to want to be loved, to be appreciated, to be treated well. Don't be afraid of change, embrace it and know that you can't change people, that change has to come from within.