When big life changes come knocking at your door, do you answer? Or, just ignore it and go back to bed? I've felt like ignoring it for so long. But, I think it's time to answer. I've been comfortable in my life and unreality that exists there. Life for me is trying to run a business, take care of three wonderful kids, be a wife, and take care of a home. The business is on the back burner right now because when it's on the front burner the house is on the back burner. I am no longer going to be able to be a doula. It breaks my heart. It was a good run though! 13 births since January, I am deeply impacted by every birth I have attended wether it was smooth sailing or not.
My husband is not very supportive of my work and hates it when I have to run off in the middle of the night. As much as I'd love to tell him to suck it up because this is something I love SO much, I can't. Not at this point in our marriage, it would be damaging. So I am going to work full-time, currently looking for a job. No luck though, I have put in over 15 applications in the last few weeks. I will keep looking and hope for the best. It is going to kill me to leave my daughter to go back to work & school. Ah, that's another thing. I have to finish my nursing degree, I was planning on going in as a OB nurse. I am kind of falling back on my old plan now. It's important for me to have a job that will support my family if the need arises.
I am excited about the changes to come (minus not being a doula) but as for the moment right now, I am stuck in transition. It's depressing. I have no job, and he let's me know that he thinks I contribute in no way to this family. I do not think I have ever been so frustrated.
