Sunday, December 9, 2007

Why a homebirth?

Q1. A homebirth! Is that safe?

A. Not particularly, but we're big, fat risk-takers.

Q2. Aren't you afraid or scared of having a baby in your house?

A. Not half as scared as I would be to give birth in the hospital. The midwife has less stuff with her she can hurt me with than the doctors have in the hospital.

Q3. How do you manage pain at home?

A. Screaming, a lot. Biting things, or people, if necessary. Lots of swear words. Sometimes, I hit people, especially my husband, whose fault this whole thing is, after all. Just like in the movies.

Q4. What if something bad happens? I've heard about horrible things that can happen during a birth.

A. We'd be really screwed. Once we get out into the woods by the fire and the drummers burning incense, we enter a force field and can't leave it to go to a hospital. Ambulances can't get in, either.

Q5. Is the midwife trained?

A. If you're lucky...but if not, usually one of the drummers (by the fire, in the woods) will drop his drum and put out his incense and come over to help in an emergency.

This was on I thought it was hilarious!

Q6. Why do you want a homebirth?

A. Because I'm a control freak. Why else?

Q7. Shouldn't babies be born in hospitals? They're sterile and everything.

A. If the mother or the baby is sick, a hospital is the best place for them. Then when they catch MRSA, it won't matter so much because they were sick to begin with.

Q8. What about the mess? Isn't the birth messy?

A. You obviously haven't seen my house. Blood stains, medical waste, an errant all blends in over here.


Kara said...

That is hilarious!

Courtney - Web Writing said...

I wish I'd had these snappy responses before each of my homebirths! Great list!

I found your blog through a Google Alert on "homebirth." Good luck with your studies...the world needs more good midwives.

Jill said...

Love it!!! I found a birthing center in Wisconsin and have already told Joe that is where our next baby will be born!

mamasmotives said...

Awesome Jill! Hey, a center just opened about an hour from here in our neighboring state.

pearly1979 said...

As mom with a child (20 months at the time) who contracted a very serious staph infection (not in the hospital, we don't know where she got it) and had to spend 3 days in the hospital because she developed skin scalding syndrome, I wish you could make your points (which I do respect) about homebirth without making a joke about some thing as serious as MRSA. I was really enjoying your site but found the crack about MRSA hurtful. A hospital did not give my child staph, but it did keep her from dying from it. I know you don't need a hospital to birth your children and I really hope you don't need it for anything else either.


mamasmotives said...

Sarah, I'm sorry to hear about your little one. I certainly did not mean to offend. This was just a repost of a funny clip I got from another site, I did not write this.